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The Secret to Building Real Confidence?

It's a Cycle, Not a Gift

"But I still don't feel confident..."

This confession comes up time and time again in my career coaching work, whether from seasoned professionals or recent graduates. What's interesting is that it persists even after great training and years of experience, particularly showing up during times of change or career transitions.

Success in the business world typically requires self-assurance, but experiencing self-doubt is completely natural. From entry-level employees just starting their careers to experienced executives in top positions, everyone faces periods of uncertainty about handling their responsibilities.

These feelings of inadequacy might last briefly or persist for extended periods, but they shouldn't prevent you from moving forward. Self-doubt is a universal experience in professional settings - what matters is how you manage and overcome it.

My personal strategy? Over-preparation. It's my confidence shield, my professional security blanket. Decades ago, when I first started out in classroom training, I would spend hours rehearsing content aloud, constantly updating workbooks, and re-writing my notes.

For certification audits, I developed what I still call my "Audit Pack" - a collection of client research, previous audit findings, and every conceivable piece of information I thought that I needed back then. Much like a child's worn security blanket, these detailed preparations became my comfort zone, my way of feeling safe in uncertain or new environments and roles.

The Gender Confidence Gap - It's Not What You Think

Let's talk about how confidence shows up differently across genders - because research tells us an interesting story. When asked to rate their own performance on a test, men tend to overstate their abilities by about 33%, while women typically rate themselves 15% higher than their actual scores.

But what's really going on here? For women, there's often a tricky balance to strike. While they might be just as capable (or more so!), many hold back in promoting their achievements. This isn't just about internal confidence - it's also about navigating workplace dynamics where being too assertive might face pushback. I've seen this impact everything from salary negotiations to putting their hand up for promotions.

On the flip side, men face their own confidence challenges. There's this constant pressure to appear confident and "have it all together" - even when they don't feel that way inside. Many of my male clients struggle with admitting when they need help or showing any uncertainty, worried it might make them look weak. This can really hold them back from seeking mentorship or having honest conversations about their career development.

What fascinates me in my coaching work is how these confidence patterns show up regardless of actual ability or experience. Both men and women might be excelling in their roles, yet each face unique pressures that can mask or amplify their confidence issues. Creating workplaces where everyone feels comfortable being authentic - whether that's a woman boldly promoting her achievements or a man openly seeking guidance - is key to real career growth.

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The Confidence Growth Cycle

After experiencing my own confidence challenges and coaching others through theirs, I've identified three core elements that work together to build genuine confidence - here's how they fit together.

Preparation Is Your Foundation

It's about building that solid base that helps you feel ready to tackle what's ahead. Think of it as your confidence shield. For me, this showed up as creating detailed Audit Packs and rehearsing training content. For you, it might look different, but the key is doing what helps you feel more secure when facing new challenges.

Action Is Where the Rubber Meets the Road

At some point, you've got to take that step forward, even if you don't feel completely ready (spoiler alert: we rarely do!). This is about actually doing the thing you've prepared for - whether that's delivering the presentation, having that difficult conversation, or starting that new role.

Learn and Adjust

It might be my favourite part because it's where the real growth happens. It's about taking each experience - whether it went brilliantly or not quite as planned - and using it to get stronger. The beauty is that no experience is wasted when you use it to learn. Each time you go through this cycle, you build your confidence muscle a little stronger.

Remember, this isn't a one-time thing. These elements work together in a continual cycle, each one feeding into the next. Even the most confident people you know have gone through this process countless times - they just make it look easy because they've done it so often!

Your Next Steps 

Ready to start building your confidence? Here are three steps you can take right now:

1. Pick one small challenge that's coming up in your work life - something that makes you a bit nervous but isn't overwhelming. This is your practice ground for The Confidence Growth Cycle. Maybe it's speaking up in your next team meeting or taking on a new task.
2. Start with the Preparation element - but (and this is important!) set yourself a time limit. Give yourself permission to prepare thoroughly, but not endlessly. Remember, we're aiming for progress, not perfection.
3. Take that first Action step, no matter how small. Then pay attention to what you learn from it. What worked well? What would you do differently next time? Each experience, whether it goes exactly as planned or not, is building your confidence muscle.

Remember, even the most confident people you admire have gone through this same cycle countless times. Your confidence journey starts with that first step - why not take it today?

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